Rough Trade II

EXT. ARENA PARKING LOT - NIGHT

From a distance, we see hordes of people purposefully walking across an expansive parking lot towards a giant sports arena. Moving in closer, we see that not all of the masses entering the arena are human -- there are some flesh-colored androids, metallic robots and even a few half-human/half-machine creatures.

One of the half-human/half-machine creatures, B.O.B., slings his robotic arm over a GELATINOUS BLOB.

B.O.B.: God, I can't remember the last time I saw Kraftwerk. It has to have been a least a century.

As the crowd slows to a bottleneck at the entrance, a couple familiar notes waft out of the arena doors, causing one of the ticket holders, a silver ROBOT to start twitching.

ROBOT: Showroom Dummies!!!

He continues to twitch violently before finally erupting in flames. As the fire engulfs him, the Robot starts ping-ponging through the audience, setting fire to everything he bumps into.

As more and more of the machines catch flame, the horrific, violent panic of the crowd intensifies to the point where robots are climbing on top of each other, crushing one another's circuits and motherboards to reach the entrance of the arena. This maelstrom of burning metal and circuits causes an O-shaped ring of molten flame to encase the center of the crowd. Trapped inside the ring, we see the lone HUMAN ATTENDEE of the Kraftwerk concert.

A FEMBOT spots the human amidst the ring of flame and rapidly messages the other robots.

FEMBOT: Save the human!

The human quickly strips off his "nature"-coloured polo shirt and shimmies out of his matching khaki dockers, attempting to fan the flames with his clothing.

A MELTING MACHINE trudges through the flames, the human in his sights.

MELTING MACHINE: Can...not...identify.

HUMAN: It's me, Chaz Bryan.

The Melting Machine processes this, adjusts his tone.

MELTING MACHINE: Bryan? Get your ass out of this locker room and put it in left field. I'm puttin' Clayton on third today.

The Melting Machine dresses down CHAZ BRYAN, 24, brown-haired, looks like he works with computers.

MELTING MACHINE: Way you've been hittin' this season, you're lucky if I even get ya an e-vite to the pizza party after the playoffs.

BRYAN: I'm sorry coach, it's just that --

MELTING MACHINE: It's just that, it's just that, it's just that, it's just that --

BRYAN (mimicking his loop): It's just that, it's just that, it's just that --

Suddenly, the Melting Machine explodes, sending a wave of WATER and DIRTY MONEY through the wall of fire, extinguishing it. Waiting until most of the flames have died down, Chaz gingerly tiptoes over the rest of the melting robots, maneuvering his way to the front of the line, through the doors and right up to the front row where the suspended SPINES of Ralf HUtter and Florian Schneider bounce up and down on tiny toy keyboards, producing what some humans used to consider as the finest sounds in the World.

FADE OUT.

She was my checkout girl at Bristol Farms. I had a bouquet of flowers that I knew my girlfriend would cram down my throat because I wrecked her BMW, while I was drunk, on my way home from team trivia. I decided to cut my losses, buy a bottle of seltzer water and two creme pies to go with the squirting flowers and make it to Memphis with this little ladytron.