
In 1990, I wrote a videogame that revolutionized the Christian cartridge industry. It was originally a pornographic 8-bitzer game for the Nintendo Entertainment System entitled "Leathercock: The Quest for Delicious". I was working as a programmer for CarlCo, Carl Cornwalis' XXX manga imprint and coding in my spare time. While my prg'ing was mostly mods for Super Mario Bros that turned Luigi into either Chevy Chase or Jackie Mason (Caddyshackerz), I was given some divine inspiration by our receptionist, Deborah Lee Fensler. Deb and I had a protracted courtship that consisted of driving to the Westwood Chili's and necking like mad in the parking lot before gorging ourselves on chicky popperz and Miller tall boyz. When I was putting the finish touches on a Leathercock's last level -- a crudely drawn homage to Caligula where, due to the technology of the time, most of the orgy participants looked like Kid Icarus, Deb peaked her doughy head over my shoulder and screamed.
"That's the last half of Luke 3:21!" I looked at her incredulously, my fists balling up in rage. I took a breath and repeated my anger management codeword, "Cookies", to calm me down. Taking a second look at my erotic creation, I noticed that this dumb bitch might actually be onto something. We printed up 10,000 copies of Leathercock that night, slapping a logo that said "Spiritual Warfare" on it, and prayed to Satan that purchasers would confuse the milky cumshotz I included with Zeus' lightning bolts. Luckily, Christians love to see Jesus on a waffle, so they did. We sold out of that first caseload in two weeks, and at $35 a pop, I broke up with Deborah Lee and took off to Italy via time machine with a young Amanda Knox on the promise that we would be able to engage in real games that would fulfill my wildest fantasies.





